The Sprawl In My Mind

I went to the doctor yesterday. I most likely have a problem with my gallbladder. He gave me vicodin. The only problem is, 2 vicodin don't even take the edge of the pain. It's almost 4:00 am and I am having terrible pains in my side and stomach area. I guess I'll call the doctor again in the morning and see if I should go to the ER or what. I'm supposed to have an ultrasound on wednesday, but I don't know if I can make it that long.

This sucks serious balls. I'm supposed to be on vacation, looking for another job. Now I might potentially have gallbladder surgery. AWESOME!

If I am sick, I should just be able to call into work and say, "I'm sorry, I'm sick and can't make it." And that should be the end of it. But, no. I work someplace where I am 1 of three employees. As such, it is a big fucking drama if I can't work. Schedules have to be rearranged, blah, blah, blah. What's worse is that I am supposed to be on vacation starting monday, and now I am going to have to give up one of those days just so my manager doesn't go into overtime. Oh, I'm sorry it hurts to talk and I have a GOD DAMN FEVER! Fuck my job. I hate it. My manager sucks. I am unappreciated. I want to do something else. I'm even willing to go back to Wal-Mart, if that says anything about how much I hate my work.

I'm going to drown my throat in chloraseptic spray and die.

Barack Obama is the next President of the United States! WOOT!!

This post is full of TMI.

More or less constant, throbbing pain in my lower left abdomen is not normal. It's also not where my bladder is. Yet, on a lovely trip to the ER this past Friday morning, they said I have a bladder infection. I go home with lots of anti-nausea meds, antibiotics and percocet. Oh, love me some percocet.

A week later, constant, throbbing pain is still here. Still in the same spot. IT'S NOT A GOD DAMN BLADDER INFECTION!

My doctor doesn't know what it is. Could be a cyst. PCOS = cysts, right? I've never had a cyst, to my knowledge. He wants me to have an ultrasound, which I will get done on Saturday. Wheee. Nothing I love more than starting my day with a medical instrument in my vajayjay. He gave me more percocet though, which makes it a little better. I am spending my days at work stoned. That's so much fun. I wish I could just be off for a week.

What made today even better is that I forgot to take my birth control last night. Whoops. I'm taking so much medicine that I can't remember what I've taken and what I haven't. My luck, my ovaries are so fucked (no pun intended) that I couldn't get pregnant if I tried.

About 20 minutes ago I felt extremely flush, my skin got cold and clammy, and I felt like I was going to puke. Scott said it can be a side effect of taking percocet. I was taking 2, because 1 really didn't cut it. So, either I don't take enough and I'm in pain, or I take too much and I want to pass out and die. I cannot win.

Please give me my server back. Now. kthxbai.

Gah, I hate maintenance day. Especially when there's a patch. It's like a recipe for disaster. I've got a limited time to play today since I have to do this fucking sleep study. FUCK. I can't play WoW in a hospital. Or have the internets at all.

Blargle blargle blargle.

Since I'm awake, and moping, I might as well post about the the other drama in my life.

My manager is having an affair with one of the security guards at work. No, this is not speculation. Said security guard admitted this to me and asked me not to tell anyone. Lovely. There's a whole lot of other backstory to this grand revelation, but that is what it boils down to. My manager is a liar and a cheat.

I don't have the energy to go into all my work issues at the moment, but suffice to say this is the icing on the cake. I am so sick of my incompetent, lying, backstabbing ditz of a manager. I HATE WORKING FOR HER. She doesn't deserve her job. And now I have been brought into her little circle of infidelity. I don't want to know shit about her personal life, because I don't care. And now I've been TOLD about this, and asked to keep it in confidence. I feel so uncomfortable about this that I have no words. I feel like she is seriously compromising my work environment. Even though SHE has not said anything to me, in fact she has denied anything is going on (despite what the security guard admitted to me, and other evidence pointing to the contrary), I feel like she's...I don't know the words. It's not a hostile work environment, but something along those lines.

She needs to keep her private life PRIVATE. And now the tiny bit of respect I had for her, at least as a manager (fleeting though it was), has completely disappeared. I have no tolerance for cheating. NONE. She prances around telling us how wonderful her marriage is, yadda yadda yadda, and flirts openly and excessively with all the males in the mall. And now it's not just flirting.

I think I am going above her head. I think her relationship with one of mall security is a conflict of interest. And bringing me into it is NOT cool.

Mom and I went to have Anne put to sleep this morning. She was old, and had problems with the discs in her spine. Problems that would cost $3k to fix, and even then it wasn't any guaranteed fix.

It was the hardest thing I've had to do in a while. As soon as my mom got to the apartment and I got in the car, Anne started wagging her tail. She was so happy to see me. My mom had already been crying. And I thought, maybe this isn't the right thing to do. Maybe she just needs to lose weight, to get some excercise. She's the dog I've had since I was 16...I didn't want to let her go.

When we got there, we said we thought we'd changed our minds. We asked if the vet could look at her first, and that was fine. He checked her out again. And he told us the truth, that even with surgery she probably wouldn't get any better. She was in pain, and giving her pain meds and steroids was only masking it. So we went through with it.

I am very sad, even though I think we did the right thing. I never had any pet longer than we had Anne. She was obnoxious, and messy, slightly neurotic, and would piss on the floor as soon as you turned your back, but I really did love her. She was my puppy face. Even though I wasn't living at home, I still miss her so much. It's so hard to choose to let any animal go. You can't talk to them, ask them if you're doing the right thing. You can only do what you think is best and hope that they understand. I think we gave her peace. I hope that she is in a better place.

I hope wherever we go when we die, that the animals that we loved in life are there.

I just read this on another forum I visit: http://blogs.usatoday.com/ondeadline/2008/02/bill-would-make.html It boggles my mind. Mississippi could pass a bill in which "any food establishment to which this section applies shall not be allowed to serve food to any person who is obese, based on criteria prescribed by the State Department of Health after consultation with the Mississippi Council on Obesity Prevention and Management established under Section 41-101-1 or its successor."

WTH?

I don't live in Mississippi, but I am obese. I'm not proud of it, but it is what it is. Can you imagine how embarassing that would be, to walk into a restaurant and be turned away because you're fat?! Holy crap.

What I eat and don't eat is my own business. My personal health is between me and my doctor. The goverment needs to keep their noses OUT of it.

OMG, I am so angry about this, and it isn't even my state!

I spent yesterday morning in the ER with my mom, because my back hurt so bad I thought I would cry. It's been hurting since Saturday but yesterday morning was the worst (happy New Year, huh?). My mom thought it might be kidney stones. So I called into work and we went to the ER where they did blood/urine tests and did some x-rays. They all came out normal. So, without actually diagnosing me and sitting there doped to the gills from about 9 am to 2 pm, I got sent home with some Percocet and muscle relaxers. I also got told not to go to work today. And my back still hurts. I've spent the last 13 hours or so in a drug induced fugue, and that sucks. I can't sit at my computer too long, or my back hurts. And if I take my meds all I want to do is sleep. I'm going to call my regular doctor in a couple hours to see if he can see me today. This pain is too much for me not to know what exactly the problem is. 

I got tons of stuff. My parents are made of cool.

My haul this year:

A Coach purse (sweet!)
A matching Coach wallet (double sweet!)
Lots of clothes
Shoes
Comfy slippers
An electric shaver

For me and Scott:
A tree for the cats
Drinkwell fountain for the cats
A White House 2007 Christmas ornament (wedding themed, awwww)
An electric blanket

From Scott to me:

2 months of WoW
A diamond circle of life pendant
comfy pajamas

I am very pleased. Especially about my purse and wallet. I've wanted one forever!! It's so damned cute, but I'm almost afraid to carry it because it's such an expensive item, lol. Anyway, yay!!

Now I need to get ready for work, which is not so much yay.

I really love snow. I really do. I just...really hate driving in it too. Took me 40 minutes tonight to go from Mid Rivers Mall back to my apartment taking the "back roads". I'm glad to be home. I'm hunkering down in some new pajamas that Scott bought me as an early Christmas present. I'm going to play some WoW and eat some food and stay inside away from the frostedness that is the outside. It majorly sucks that I have to work tomorrow. Day 6 without a day off. I hate the mall at Christmas (but I still love Christmas). At this point I think I'm just rambling. 

So, today was a weird day. I was at work, hanging out behind the counter, when I notice a girl and a guy standing away from the kiosk. They were both young-ish (maybe 19 or 20), clean-cut, nice looking. The girl looked a little lost, and I half expected her to come over and ask me for directions. Lo and behold, she walks over to me, and this little exchange ensues:

Her: Uh...excuse me?
Me: Hi, can I help you?
Her: Well, I wanted to ask you, since it's Christmas time and all, if I could bless your day by buying you a cup of coffee or something? Can I do that?
Me: Uh, sure, I guess (In the back of my mind, I'm thinking, is she trying to poison me?)

And she asks me what I want. I'm so flabbergasted, I tell her just a coffee. So she goes over to the local coffee place. When she comes back, she's got a large coffee with creamer, some sugar packets for me, and this really elaborate and awesome looking chocolate covered pretzel stick that they sell. She had to have spent at least $7-$8 on all of it.

I expected her to come back and use the coffee as an opportunity to proselytize at me or something, but she didn't. She actually thanked me for being able to make my day a little better. I was completely floored (and still a little paranoid). She told me her name, I thanked her, and her and the guy left.

So, you may be asking, did I drink it? Well, I thought about it for few minutes. I walked to the restroom, and I noticed the girl and the guy making a couple of trips back and forth to the coffee place. So I guess I wasn't the only one they made the offer to. I couldn't imagine that they'd be trying to poison so many people in the mall. I also thought it was kind of sad...what kind of world do we live in where the simple kindness of strangers has to be doubted for what it is? So, yes, I did drink the coffee. No, it didn't make me ill.

I felt really nice all afternoon. It's very rare that someone does something just because they want to make your day a little bit better. Thank you, random coffee girl. 

Shows I'm currently (and in some cases, surprisingly) enjoying this season:

Heroes
Moonlight
Bionic Woman
Life
Blood Ties
Chuck

This is the first time in a long time that I've actually kept up with television. It's kind of nice to be able to look forward to some weekly entertainment.

And in other news, I am so not looking forward to hosting this damn PartyLite party at my mom's house on Friday. I wish I could call it off. Or not show up. Whatever.

Oh, and what's super awesome? We don't have to pay rent for November. Sweet!

I hate having dreams about old friends I haven't seen in a few years. Especially weird dreams like the one I had last night. It makes me wonder what they're up to now. Also, makes me feel regrettably nostalgic. 

There is nothing greater than having a gaping chasm in your bathroom ceiling, from which constantly drips a steady stream of nasty water. The joy I feel at having a lake form in front of our door (inside and out) each time it rains heavily is indescribable. The fact that repairs have been "attempted" over 5 times in the past 4 months, and failed each time, makes me ecstatic.

Oh, is my sarcasm apparent?

This is bullshit. We're considering getting a lawyer, contacting the city, dropping an atomic bomb...something. Our upstairs neighbors are going to the housing authority tomorrow (where the fuck is that? I want to go, but I have to work), because their apartment is in worst shape than ours. The other night when it rained, the woman was coming downstairs with her 3 month old baby, and slipped in rainwater. She fell and almost seriously injured her kid. Can we say, lawsuit?

I am so depressed about this. I feel helpless. I just want to move. Moving needs money though, which is why we need our deposit back. They say we'll get it back, but won't give us anything in writing. We need a lawyer, but those cost money too. And if we have no money to move when our lease is up in December, we have to stay here, and I'm afraid they won't let us stay since we've been throwing such a fit about their shitty maintenance. I don't want to live here, but I don't want to be homeless either. A leaking roof is better than no roof, right?

....why the fuck I got my tongue pierced. I mean, I know why, but I'm still on this "OMGWTFthisisnotsomethingIdoAIIAIAAEEE!@!#@!" trip. Don't get me wrong, I love this piercing. I didn't feel a damn thing until he shoved the barbell through, cross my heart and hope to die, it's true. When I woke up this morning my tongue was swelled. Still not a lot of pain though. I can even talk relatively normal.

I'm just trying to reconcile the me who gets her tongue pierced with the me who is a "good girl" who wouldn't do that. Of course, tongue piercing me is telling the other me to get the fuck over it, which seems like a reasonable request.

I just want the damn thing to be healed so I can change the barbell and feel a little more "normal".

...as illustrated by Sage, the scary under-the-table stalker. There's a caption here, I just can't figure out what it is.

I find this surprisingly funny, in a "Ha, of course this would happen to us!" kind of way.

A guy from maintenance came out today because of the little issue we've been having with rain water getting under our floor near the door, resulting in moldy and smelly carpet (and I am assuming the floor under said carpet). He looked at the floor, he looked outside. Supposedly there is a shingle loose right above us that is causing the water to go where it shouldn't, as well as holes in the foundation near the patio. Awesome, says I. Maintenance man says, I'll be back with some caulk, a ladder, and a new shingle to fix the problem! I'll be back in an hour, he says. I ask, what about the damage that's been done to the floor? That's not what I was told to look at, he says, but I'll pass it on to my boss. And so he leaves.

Hours pass. No maintenance guy shows. I am experiencing a helpless sense of apathy toward the floor at this point, but I figure I'll call them tomorrow. About an hour ago, Scott is standing outside having a smoke, and our neighbor comes home (who happens to work for the apartment complex). Scott chats with him about our floor issues, and mentions maintenance guy never showed back up. According to our neighbor, guess what happened? Our maintenance guy got fired. Isn't that just the most peachy keen thing in the whole world?

So I have to call the office tomorrow, and make sure we weren't "forgotten", and make sure they know I want the floor fixed, not just the cause of the leak. It smells like wet death near our door, and I'm sure it's not very healthy.

This post is more for my own personal benefit than anything else. Right now, I weigh just about 227 lbs. I'm 5'4". This is the biggest I've been...ever. I am saying, right here, that I am not going to gain anymore weight. I am going to be more physically active, I'm going to drink tons of water...I'm going to do what I have to. No more snacking, no more eating way more than I need to. Two years ago I was at 190. I can do it again. My goal is to get back to a size 16, then go from there. I can do this, I can do this, I can do this. Scott tells me I'm sexy and beautiful all the time...I want to feel that way myself.

I love storms, normally. For some reason the 60 mph gusting winds just scared the shit out of me about 15 minutes ago. Now it's raining, AND windy. Maybe it's because Scott's at work, and I'm all alone, and the winds were/are strong enough to blow our lawn chairs away and knock our windchimes down. The power went out, twice. I don't have a basement to hide in, and that sucks. I'm going to go hug my cats and hope we don't blow away.